Timberwoof Essays not gay
Timberwoof Can’t Possibly be Gay

The Committee have been threatening to take my Gay Card away for quite a while now. Here's why:

  • In my youthful innocence I dressed like a dyke when I went to bars. (I wondered why all these butch soccer players kept coming on to me. Then I realized that I needed to ditch the tie.)
  • I told an chapter of Act Up that Catholics to not comprehend anger.
  • I told the gay hockey team I was a member of that I didn't think that a leather bar was an appropriate place to have board meetings.
  • I do not like quiche.
  • I wash my jock straps with the rest of my underwear.
  • I do not have a single rail of track lighting in my house. (I thought "track lighting" was those three white lamps that locomotives have on their front ends.) (Well, actually I now have two rails, but they're cheap $50 jobbies I got a Ikea.)
  • I do not like to suck cock.


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