Timberwoof Essays Growl

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by furriness, dragging themselves though endless furcons seeking yiffy plushy stuffy fursuit sex

who sought social salvation through anthropomorphic salivation

who drew prismacolor on ricepaper parchment cute and cuddly bunnies kitties squirrels unicorns and agnels cavorting with rainbows and grassy fields

who rescued teddies, woofies, foxes, dogs, horses, raccoons, and a Tickle Me Elmo wearing a BDSM leather harness

who stayed up endless nights cutting fur and spandex, hot-melt gluing, stitching sewing serging edges zippers and velcro in their eternal search for the ultimate fursuit

who breathed Scotch Super seventy-seven between carefully selected layers from Bob's Foam, shredded like Michaelangelo with Ecko electric carving knives to reveal the tooney wolfhead hidden within

who painstakingly brushed marks-a-lot onto polyester fur to achieve the perfect multicolored hairs of wolf

who clumsy nerds shy and introverted in their people costumes contacted their inner animal selves and became outgoing friendly cuddly yiffy

who wandered endless hotel halls hugging unknown passersby posing for overexposed flash snapshots that revealed their actual eyes

who ducked into the fursuiters' lounge to escape the rabid fanboy stalkers, taking their heads off in private

who joined panels on costume-making to say yiff! to all the other foxes already listening to Nicodemus explaining what they already knew

who attended conferences on costume-making to listen to Nocodemus explaining what they did not know but would never actually do feeling content instead to study furry costume making

who groped each other in warm comfortable furry anonymous dogpiles

who drew comix of anthropomorphic utopia where animals were people and people weren't to be seen

who ranted on internet radio about straw men gathering a wide audience of like-minded furs

who listened to straw-dog rants on internet radio

who sat quietly at hotel restaurants while Japanese tourists aimed and fired their digital Canons pointing and saying "Animatronic!", then turned to stare at them and growl

who fought tooth and claw against the cancer on their lifestyle that was yiff, forcing their Purina Puritanism lifestyle down the yifffy throats

who segregated yiffy art

who laughed at the squirrell scampering turtle creeping over the zebra crossing, who rolled on the floor at the badgers mugging the bunny on a city sidewalk, who howled with disbelief as Jesse's outlaws pinned a fursuiter in a portapotty and tumped it over, blue spooge all over matted fur

who shuddered at the idiot on Crime Scene Investigation who mistook a grownup in a raccoon suit for a giant raccoon and shot it

who thought E. R. was being fair when it portrayed a fursuiter who bit another fursuiter who protested that he wasn't a furvert, a furvert? Mister Whiskers!


Yiff! Wolves
Yiff! Coyotes
Yiff! Dogs
Yiff! Foxes
Yiff! Bears
Yiff! Badgers
Yiff! Racoons
Yiff! Felines
Yiff! Avians
Yiff! Yiff! Yiff!

Alan Ginsberg's original poem Howl
Christopher Buckley's parody Yowl
Thomas Scoville's parody Howl.com


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