Straight sex is good, but gay sex is … well, did you ever see the episode of Babylon 5 where Vir Kotto was explaining Centauri sex to Susan Ivanova? Vir understands. You straight guys are stuck at one, but for us gay people, it’s like seven. Now the thing is, we’re all human and basically have all the same sexual responses. It takes a while for a human male to get over the “Ewwww! Cooties!” phase, discover girls, and learn to believe that they really are great. However, if a guy plays with another guy—just once, that’s all it takes!—that’s it. He’s gay. Perverted. On the other shore. Any Christian ex-gays ministry can tell you all about how long and difficult the whole reversal procedure is, how much prayer and concentration it takes for a man, once he’s tasted gay sex, to turn back to women. These groups find it such rough going that even abstinence is considered a major success. That’s how good gay sex is, and why Christian Fundamentalists are so frightened of it.

If you took this seriously, then you should get your irony detector recalibrated.