Amandil Dancing and playing a Flute


Growing Up



Coming Out
as an Elf



Elf Life


My Life as an Elf
Elf-Life Deconstructed

In addition to the many letters I’ve received from Elves and those who wish to believe in Elves, this web page inspired a surprising amount of hate-mail. While I welcomed the letters from the first group, I never imagined that this farcical little pseudo-autobiography could stir up such a hornet’s nest of fury from the second. There are plenty of paperback books in the Science Fiction and Fantasy sections of Waldenbooks that offer more convincing stories about Elves living in modern times. Of course, the “right-thinking” among you wouldn’t be caught dead reading those types of books!

The real tragedy in this story is how no one seems to have recognized how I lifted the rhetoric of the gay civil rights movement practically lock, stock, and barrel.

Chapter Verse Deconstructed
Growing up Elvin “I always knew that somehow I was different.” Every gay autobigraphy contains these words. The rest is thinly-disguised allegory.
Hiding “The shame and self-loathing that being Elvin in a world of Men visits upon us has driven many to despair.” Come on! Could you not read “The shame and self-loathing that being gay in a world of straight visits upon us has driven many to despair”?
Mannish Misconceptions

“Those nasty little vermin who sold out to the Keebler company and market chocolate chips give real Elves a bad name. … And no, we’re not fairies!

“…we’ll cut off his peanuts!

“Your children are not going to suddenly come home listening with pointy ears to the tunes of magical harps.”

It is astounding that no one recognized the dead giveaways of farce—and refefrences to gay life in this passage.

And the story of Peter Pan? Like peanut butter, you ate it all up.

And the business about turning your precious children into elves is the most shameless borrowing from the gay civil rights movement.

Coming Out “Coming Out” My head is just spinning over this one. This is the name of the central event in the lives of many gay people.

I expect a flood of letters from homophobes who recommend that I see a psychiatrist. Forget it. The irony of narrow-minded sociopaths telling me that I’m not fit for polite company would be tasty if it weren’t so old and rotten. Homophobic Elves? Sure. I expect them, too. Orcs are worse.

Well, enough of that. So what do I really believe?

Elves are mythological creatures. J. R. R. Tolkien has written much about them, not only in The Lord of the Rings but also in his other scholarly works. Brian Froud published a wonderful book of paintings with snippets of period sources. If you’re interested, go read them.

Elves represent a set of human personality traits which some people have in abundance. As long as you get along well in this human world, there is nothing wrong with believing you’re an Elf. In the teenaged years it can be a welcome role to take on as an explanation of why one doesn’t fit in well with the jocks and the preppies … and the jocks and preppies, superficially so secure in their well-defined social roles, are welcome to have conniption fits over the idea that there are people who neither fit into those roles nor respect them. Becoming an Elf and studying art and music and poetry, perhaps playing D&D with like-minded friends, is certainly a better way to react to that sort of pressures than the Columbine massacre. I’d rather have as a neighbor someone who thinks he’s an Elf than someone who is planning to spray the neighborhood with lead.

If you want to believe in Elves, please do. Elves, especially those whom Tolkien wrote about, are sources of good and light in this dark world. Join me and strive to become that sort of person. Don’t let the forces of mediocrity torture you and turn you into an orc.

What about me? I’m not an Elf, at least not in the way my attackers want to think I think I’m an Elf. I’m an Elf, I’m a wolf, I tried to be a Vulcan. I’m not a Klingon or a Bajoran, neither am I a Dwarf or an Ent. I am all of these and none of these, for they are all aspects of human existnce. I’m a hockey player; I’m a motorcyclist; I am a multifaceted individual; and I enjoy tweaking your noses by questioning your closely-held beliefs about the proper order of society and our prescribed roles in it. If you can’t deal with people who look at the world differently than you do or believe that they are wolves or werewolves, then you will have a miserable life. On the other hand, if wisdom and respect for life in all its wonderful variations inspires you, then count yourself among the shining blessed.

Next: Amândíl’s Mailbox

My Life as an Elf: The Tale of Amândíl, Elf-Lord. Copyright © 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003. All Rights Reserved.
URL:; Contact: Amândíl’s Mailbox; Home Page: Timberwoof’s Den.