addition to the many letters Ive
received from Elves and those who wish to believe in Elves, this
web page inspired a surprising amount of hate-mail. While I welcomed
the letters from the first group, I never imagined that this farcical
little pseudo-autobiography could stir up such a hornets nest
of fury from the second. There are plenty of paperback books in
the Science Fiction and Fantasy sections of Waldenbooks that offer
more convincing stories about Elves living in modern times. Of course,
the right-thinking among you wouldnt be caught
dead reading those types of books!
real tragedy in this story is how no one seems to have recognized
how I lifted the rhetoric of the gay civil rights movement practically
lock, stock, and barrel.
|Growing up Elvin
||I always knew that somehow I was different.
||Every gay autobigraphy contains these words. The
rest is thinly-disguised allegory.
||The shame and self-loathing that being Elvin
in a world of Men visits upon us has driven many to despair.
||Come on! Could you not read The shame and
self-loathing that being gay in a world of straight visits upon
us has driven many to despair?
Those nasty little vermin who sold out to the Keebler
company and market chocolate chips give real Elves a bad name.
And no, were not fairies!
well cut off his peanuts!
Your children are not going to suddenly come home listening
with pointy ears to the tunes of magical harps.
It is astounding that no one recognized the dead giveaways
of farceand refefrences to gay life in this passage.
And the story of Peter Pan? Like peanut butter, you ate it
And the business about turning your precious children into
elves is the most shameless borrowing from the gay civil rights
||My head is just spinning over this one. This is
the name of the central event in the lives of many gay people.
expect a flood of letters from homophobes who recommend that I see
a psychiatrist. Forget it. The irony of narrow-minded sociopaths
telling me that Im not fit for polite company would be tasty
if it werent so old and rotten. Homophobic Elves? Sure. I
expect them, too. Orcs are worse.
enough of that. So what do I really believe?
are mythological creatures. J. R. R. Tolkien has written much about
them, not only in The Lord of the Rings but also in his other
scholarly works. Brian Froud published a wonderful book of paintings
with snippets of period sources. If youre interested, go read
represent a set of human personality traits which some people have
in abundance. As long as you get along well in this human world,
there is nothing wrong with believing youre an Elf. In the
teenaged years it can be a welcome role to take on as an explanation
of why one doesnt fit in well with the jocks and the preppies
and the jocks and preppies, superficially so secure in their
well-defined social roles, are welcome to have conniption fits over
the idea that there are people who neither fit into those roles
nor respect them. Becoming an Elf and studying art and music and
poetry, perhaps playing D&D with like-minded friends, is certainly
a better way to react to that sort of pressures than the Columbine
massacre. Id rather have as a neighbor someone who thinks
hes an Elf than someone who is planning to spray the neighborhood
you want to believe in Elves, please do. Elves, especially those
whom Tolkien wrote about, are sources of good and light in this
dark world. Join me and strive to become that sort of person. Dont
let the forces of mediocrity torture you and turn you into an orc.
about me? Im not an Elf, at least not in the way my attackers
want to think I think Im an Elf. Im an Elf, Im
a wolf, I tried to be a Vulcan. Im not a Klingon or a Bajoran,
neither am I a Dwarf or an Ent. I am all of these and none of these,
for they are all aspects of human existnce. Im a hockey
player; Im a motorcyclist;
I am a multifaceted individual; and
I enjoy tweaking your noses by questioning your closely-held beliefs
about the proper order of society and our prescribed roles in it.
If you cant deal with people who look at the world differently
than you do or believe
that they are wolves or werewolves, then you will have a miserable
life. On the other hand, if wisdom and respect for life in all its
wonderful variations inspires you, then count yourself among the